rony! (drknspooky) wrote,

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well.. .im at something of a crossroads in life...

on one hand.... ive finally found something that hits my preconceived notion of perfect.
on one hand... ive found someone that is into me for me, and nothing else.
on one hand... ive found 'the perfect girl'.
of course, this comes with the pessimistic knowledge that no one is perfect, and everything you think is wrong.

i know long distance relationships dont work
i know long distance relationships, by definition, cant work....

i want it to work anyway.

im closing in on a year of obsession. the night i met her? i had someone come up to me and say "you like her, dont you?" of course i did/do. why would i not?

she was a light in the darkness, so to speak.

she was a beacon of hope, in my life of hate.

i grow obsessive... i go out of my way to make sure people understand what i feel..... this was one of those situations. was i trying to make it hard to figure out i was interested? of course not. there are a million women in clubs that i am physically attracted to, but i never let anyone know, because it is simply that. physical attraction. this girl was different. this girl was..... more.

i wouldnt have let anyone know i was interested if i knew the situation was out of my hands. if i thought i could deal with it on my own, i wouldnt have told anyone and dealt with it on my own. but i knew, since she was dating someone else... i knew.... i couldnt approach things the way i normally do. the key? "i dont think shes happy in the relationship she is in". without knowing it, that info that was given to me was the key to the fucking kingdom. that was all i needed to have hope.

did i do anything wrong/immoral? not at all.

did i push issues that, maybe i shouldnt have, with my knowledge? ::shrugs:: maybe.

all in all, i have no regrets, no fears, and no worries.
time will tell how this will end, and i accept it, no matter the outcome.
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