im at.... five? different crossroads, right now. all of them lead to disaster, all of them lead to... something else?
i HONESTLY dont care about my ex. i really, truly dont.... but.... she is moving on, and i am not. does that mean something? does that mean she is ready to move on, and i am not? i hope thats not the case, but at the same time, i feel its true. maybe im holding on... maybe im hoping we get back together.....
i can only realize that NOTHING good can come from that. honest. i know we dont belong together...
in fact, if nothing else... im thinking about moving out. we DONT belong together. even as roommates. we dont work on... any? level. perhaps. we just... we dont work. thats fine.
my big problem is a plus and minus problem. i have *someone* to move on to/with.....
ive fucked this person over MORE THAN once.
i. am. SO. NOT. that. guy.
it makes me crazy to *be* that..... guy.
the person i want? the silhouette? i want her more than... ever? maybe.
i want her. thats good enough. i want her as much as ive ever wanted her.
the new question..... do i take what i can get? do i take nothing and live with it? do i take nothing and hope to find something better?
as much as i hope things go the way i want them to, im a realist... which means... i know they wont go the way i want them to.....
time will tell?
i can only hope.